Is anybody out there?

Is anybody reading this?
Does anybody visit reguarly?

Can you let me know by leaving a comment at the bottom of this post?
Is this blog shit and I should get rid of it?
Or do you want more of it? Or Less?

Dear Me, Please Help me, Love Me.

I feel trapped again. The enlightenment I feel is short lived. Without trying, I know I am hurting others. Either I have or am about to. Why can’t everything just go easy? Maybe because others press their requirements, needs and wants of me, admirations used as subtle blackmail. Now my actions I have/am taking, are going to affect the promises made to those who bled it out of me like water from a stone. Do I be honest and come clean and not be pre-judged nor judgemental of myself? Take life as a grain of salt? Or lie, cover up the truth and pretend I am still in bliss of basking in the colours of the rainbow.

 

I have abused my body in a way I never thought I would again. I don’t remember much of three days. I felt like I was living in a 70’s dream. Trapped in a room, surround by dozens upon dozens of empty bottles tainted with the wisping smoke of many cigarettes wafting into the tiny abode. My skin covered in sweat, trickles of absinthe, yager and chocolate liquors stain the white flesh of my body. My mind is struggling to remember five minutes ago, every few minutes. I feel like a tiny child, trapped yet exploring the world for the first time. Abandoning all insecurities and sharing one soul with another. Once it all ended, I must have inner strength, to stop myself from swaying off the path I have built the past few years. Self respect and willpower are one of a kind. A skill I shall need to master, but is oh so fun to let go of.