There’s only one I miss at the moment

It just never gets better does it. Compared to my last post anyway. I decide to cancel all previous arrangements I had with said boys. I’ve decided Men are the scum of the earth (again) and can’t see any satisfaction or gratification in going on dates, getting attention, playing hard to get. I’m over it. I don’t want to be here anymore. To Top it all off, my phone gets disconnected. After having the same number for 4 years.  Hundreds of people have dialled my number. How easy it was. I’ll never get it back, so here it WAS: 044 81 00 00 8. Oh my dear handpicked number.

I’m in so much debt. I want to get out of it. AARRGGGHHHH I want to scream. But upon my return form my holiday I have a plan for that.

I fly away tomorrow. Up, up in the air, I fly… Zoom, zoom, zoom zoom zoom.. Where the arms of long lost family await me. New tales of adventure await.

I finally heard from my Sailor today. Via text. It hurt a little bit. I miss him, miss his morning wake up calls, his updates throughout the day. We were meant to spend the laugh half of this holiday together. He blames me and my life for ending it. Yet after a few months he begged me to open up to him. To let him in and become an ‘US’. so I did, and he couldn’t handle it, the drama in my life. It’s my fault my friend gets hit by a car, my fault my friend jumped out and started dancing. Everything was always my fault. I shouldn’t feel as sad as I do. I guess I thought I’d finally found someone worthy of me. But I guess he wasn’t. Its like a retracting animal that lives within a shell, comes fully out the first time, explores the world. Gets hurt and retreats. After a while, it finally decides to explore again, not exposing so much of themselves, being tempted out by trusting creatures, a little bit comes out, only to be hurt again, retreating the lost animal further into its self. Never again is that animal likely to come out as much as it had. Thanks for that Asshole. I hope you die old, lonely, childless, and hated. Not really but if felt good to say it. I miss your company and friendship so much. I hope you do too.