The Hit’n'Run

It had been the end of 8 days straight partying for us. With three nights inbetween of soberness. And 3 days of work. Outside of those hours, we partied hard and long. Sunday night we decided to call it an early night.

I had forgotten my phone charger, it was 8.30pm, and we were high on the last of our alcohol, preparing for a healthy sleep and a hearty meal. Two cars crossed our paths travelling in opposite directions, she help me back from the roads edge commenting it was unusually busy to see two cars on the street at the same time. As they passed in front of us, we started crossing, keeping our gaze to the left, where we would see oncoming traffic for a few hundred metres. Behind us there would have been no traffic, it was the wrong side of the road. In a split second I saw the back of a red car speeding its way to us. It was reversing. On a road, at about 60kms an hour. I screamed. She turned into the boot of the car with such force even the spoiler was crushed. She was flung from the car, into the air, and landed in a heap about a metre away from the boot. I screamed. I continued to scream. even whilst dialing 000 which I did without thinking. I screamed till people ran out from their houses. I screamed till I lost my voice, as I write this two days later, I still have no voice.

She was taken away in an ambulance. We planned to end our partying month that night. At least she went out with a Bang. I hope she is resting peacefully and recovering well.

It had been the end of 8 days straight partying for us. With three nights inbetween of soberness. And 3 days of work. Outside of those hours, we partied hard and long. Sunday night we decided to call it an early night.

I had forgotten my phone charger, it was 8.30pm, and we were high on the last of our alcohol, preparing for a healthy sleep and a hearty meal. Two cars crossed our paths travelling in opposite directions, she help me back from the roads edge commenting it was unusually busy to see two cars on the street at the same time. As they passed in front of us, we started crossing, keeping our gaze to the left, where we would see oncoming traffic for a few hundred metres. Behind us there would have been no traffic, it was the wrong side of the road. In a split second I saw the back of a red car speeding its way to us. It was reversing. On a road, at about 60kms an hour. I screamed. She turned into the boot of the car with such force even the spoiler was crushed. She was flung from the car, into the air, and landed in a heap about a metre away from the boot. I screamed. I continued to scream. even whilst dialing 000 which I did without thinking. I screamed till people ran out from their houses. I screamed till I lost my voice, as I write this two days later, I still have no voice.

She was taken away in an ambulance. We planned to end our partying month that night. At least she went out with a Bang. I hope she is resting peacefully and recovering well.

Peaceful

Nightmares = no more.
Crying = no more.
Tense and uptight = no more.

I am relaxed, peaceful, calm and full of serenity. No longer do I think of the evil snake, no longer do I even have his number. I spend quality time with family and friends on the weekend, rarely drink to get drunk anymore, and sleep alone and content during the week.

I still dream vividly. But my Chef is my sidekick. Whenever I feel overwhelmed in said dreams, unsure or vulnerable, I turn to my right and look back over my shoulder. He is standing there with a reassuring look, urging me to continue the discovery of my dream. He is my comfort, my guidance, my role model at this stage in my life. And I like it.

No more do I bothering to reply to men, Engage in conversations with new men, or allow myself to be hunted. Yes my Chef is not here physically most of the time, but I am content enough to be on my own. I enjoy it. And I look forward to waking up everyday knowing its closer to one of his hugs. A kiss on the forehead, a stroke of my cheek, a squeeze of my hand, and honest open chats about everything crossing our minds the second it does.

We are planning our first holiday together. I never want to travel with someone I feel for again, its good and bad. Easy and Hard. But this all fell into place. I’m going on my holiday to two major cities, he is going with the boys on a road trip around the country. We are meeting up after a few weeks and enjoy the last stretch of the leg with eachothers company. Driving across Australia. He wants to stay in Hotels along the way. I want to camp on the nullabor amongst the open plains, with the hope of being abducted by aliens. We had our first funny squabble over this. I wanted to rough it and get dirty in a swag, planning to purchase my own before we meet up. I thought he was being a pretty boy, wanting to waste money on hotels and miss out on nature around us. I managed to get his reasoning to escape from his smirking smile. He wants to sleep by myside. If we swag it, we will be in seperate swags, if we hotel it, we can wake up each day with our bodies intwined.  Awww.. He is but so sweet..

He bought out the shop of my favourite chocolates. He arrived on my doorstep last week, our first and last night together in a while. The chocolates were adourned in a beautiful hand picked presentation bag, with a note attached: “To the Princess with Everything, Love Chef”. Obviously he didn’t write Chef, that’s my persona for him on here. But it made me all mushy regardless. Selfless acts of kindness, directed towards me?? I am amazed such a man exists.

It shall be two weeks before I see him again, or even have contact with him. Alot could happen between now and then, as it normally does, but I actually really miss talking to him, his jokes, his quirks, his making me laugh and his hands as he washes my hair and gives me feet massages.. I must miss him, I dedicated an entire post to him. Its nice to meet someone like him. I have no hopes, expectations or visions of the future. All I know is he is hear now, part time in my life, and I like it. It feels good.

Is anybody out there?

Is anybody reading this?
Does anybody visit reguarly?

Can you let me know by leaving a comment at the bottom of this post?
Is this blog shit and I should get rid of it?
Or do you want more of it? Or Less?

Black Dressing Gown = Hugh Hefner

It’s Tuesday Morning. I should be hungover. But I’m not. I have the day off today, I am sober and awake before noon. What is going on? I am relaxed and content to the core of my soul. Calmness washes through me with every breath I take. Contemptment fills my being and slow motion distracts my vision.

I moved house. Five of my close friends built it from scratch for me. Caught me unaware, and spent two days on their hands and knee’s, labouring away to build a magnificient house for me to inhabit..

It is a mansion, There is not enough items to fill such space. No dust, dog hair, grease, messiness. None anywhere.I have a new bed. King Size. I have decorated my room with harmonious colours and things I like. I have a place for everything, and not enough clothes to fill the draws. I threw out 70% of my wardrobe. Clothes I have been carrying around, collecting since I first left home at 13.  There was so many, I am bound to see someone in my area wearing them after buying them for $1 from the thrift shops.

I have a housemate. It is awesome. The Chef bought us chinese for dinner last night and left shortly after. Not even a kiss required? He is sweet.

My Girl and I were snuggled in our pj’s, in front of the warmth, bellies full and giggling. Then we decided to go out. Showered, hair, clothes, multiple attempts at clothing arrangements. We hailed a cab and with the snap of a finger, we were gals on the way out.. Our taxi driver had us in stitches. His name was Chico, he went 80kms over speed bumps and gave us his card to be at our service next time we head out.

I’m even going to attempt to describe how much we drunk. In quick succession..  A boy found me. After 2 hrs I finally accepted his number. He danced in a way i haven’t seen since I was mesmorised on the GoldCoast by the touch of the Turkish. I think I fell in love with a dancer. But alas, as soon as his number was programmed into the personal extension of my body (aka Blackberry), I hailed a cab and left my Gal to boogie up the floor.

I was awoken to my girl jumping on my bed after the shock to find I was actually alone. (No, I did not take anyone home – I could see double) She found Richie Rich in hers. To me he looks like a sexy goddess surfer dude. But it is dark in there when I go in to talk to him. I blew a foghorn into the room before, to enhance the giggles of us Gals. We’re not sure when we’re going to kick him out. They haven’t even had sex! He is a backpacker and we feel sorry for him, so he can sleep in a proper bed for the day while the Gal and I think of horrible things to do to him. We were going to put sleeping pills in his water and then pose him positions and take photos.. But he thinks we are pure evil and refuses to drink anything from us anyway.

**Shower Break**

I actually just had a conversation with him. My God he is stunning!! He sounds exactly like my film director I met on Friday. (Whos number and email I lost that night)

My Tummy is in pain and I thinks cuz its been so long since I’ve had sex. well u know, not that long, but long for a some people.

Just spoke to my Gals Rich backpaker again. He suggested an Orgy. I’m not talking to him anymore. My gal just ordered him to get up and cook us breakfast. and be quick. We have things to do.

Clubbing

Another night of mayhem.. I haven’t got much sleep the past week. My nights are filled with friends sitting on the rug in front of my laughable excuse as a heater. Exchanging the meanings of life, laughing till we hurt and falling asleep in various locations on the couches. Every night. It is great, I love my friends. Truly and honestly. It would be a very dangerous way to live without friends. No one to set you straight in your thoughts, calm your frustration and fears, listen to your views and offer advice. And it works both ways in true friendships. I really can’t imagine a life without that kind of bond.

Last night was busy. I took 3 hours to get ready, only because I took my time, hung out with the dog, made up songs and sung them to her. Watched tv inbetween, answered and made numerous calls to friends.

Then I attended the muskiness comfort of the pub. The animated conversations, the catchup of past days, the playfighting over pool, the fact by the time u walk from the door to the bar, your drink is poured and waiting. Knowing everysingle face, sharing the same old jokes when you say hi. “Where have you been all my life?” “How are you? – All the better for seeing you”, the kisses on the cheeks, the nods from the elders, the sign language to the deaf, the hum of the jukebox, the sound of the horse racing and the click of a pool ball every twenty seconds.. It comforting.

I stayed for one pint, I met the random. Turns out he was cute, but i was far too busy to stay and chat. I drove south, I saw the Chef, he came back from the sub. I saw him for less than an hour, quick catchup to say hello and a bear hug upon my departure. Had a Malibu home made from the touch of ones hand. I drove east, picked up a friend on the hunt for the raw flesh of men and to provide with the delights of the evening. Shared a glass of wine in a single gulp. Felt it roll down my throat and ooze its way to my funny nerve endings. The ones that provide a smile of self confidence all night. We picked up my bestie, also on the hunt. The sailors were in town. Turns out the locals and other international visitors were far more entertaining.

I ran into the blind date. God I forgot how hot he is. I couldn’t stay and chat, I had dancing to do. Met a guy with the most fierce blue eyes I am yet to come across. Blazen across the smooth features of his face and complimenting the dilectable body i felt as he held me close when we danced. He was from London, filming an advert for American TV and got driven around in a limo. He was hot. But I left.

The rest of the night was filled like that.. moments of utter bliss and happiness.. I have never been so relaxed, confident, chilled, social and happy. My arm is now covered in the reminants of stamps from various locations. My mouth raw from kisses and my brain muddled with memories. I only had 4 drinks over the course of my 5 hour partying. I was too busy to even drink!

Now I rest, obligated to relax,  feel the waves of the chemicals in my body retain themselves and slot into where they belong.

Words That Make me Smile..

 

I Love my friends. All and everyone of them. I am very lucky to have such love in my life. I have had so many texts, emails, messagebanks and convos of support. Too many to put on here. Not to mention the hugs!!  But I thought I would share a few things I have access to atm. Things that made me smile..

 

Sent: Monday, 8 June 2009 10:58 AM
Subject: @ ur blog

So I haven’t really commented much about ur blog, but u said in there about seeing some of the old chad back.
 
So lets work on getting the old Becky back
 
There used to be so much energy in ur eyes i really don’t know how to explain it cause i’m not as good with words as you seem to be .
It was like looking into the eyes of a kid a christmas..  I think thats the best way to describe it
Full of life, energy, happiness and excitement. I saw a little bit of it when we went dinner a few months ago, but i haven’t seen it often for along time.
 
Sorry if that sounds depressing, but I just wanna see that fire for life back in your eyes and will help any way i can

 

Sent: Randomly

i read the first full page, then clicked read older posts. got to about 9 june i think. sounds like your so much better off without the asshole in ur life!

 

Sent: Randomly

I see alot of myself in you and your experiences too. so dont ever feel alone… ive been through some things that u mentioned and some of the thoughts that youve had. even the ones about males and what they’re all about. i too think women can be exactly the same

 

Sent: Randomly

i love the thoughts u had about putting the dead mice in his car… some of the old becky still remains

 

Sent: Randomly

u had a slight evil…no, thats not the right word… but u had a lil something about u… u wanted it your way…sorta cunning…yeh thats more like it i think…

Best Friends

 

My Bestie is moving into the house in two weeks. We’ve been waiting for over 7 years to both be single at the same time.. (Although it never stopped us pretending we both were, at different times of our short little lives). Now we are both single, full of life, ready for mind blowing sex [NOT WITH EACHOTHER] and hanging to party!!
Our house is going to be mayhem.. We are going to be living the life we should be.. Fun.. Fun.. No Sleep.. Noise.. Music.. Laughter.. Girls nights in.. Comparisons.. Tears.. fighting.. Party… Party.. Stumbling home.. Sharing taxi’s.. Arguing about bills.. Cooking.. Fashion parades..  Lectures.. Empowerment.. Introductions.. Bewilderment.. Laughing.. Partying..

I.C.A.N.T.F.U.C.K.I.N.G.W.A.I.T.T.O.S.T.A.R.T.T.H.E.R.E.S.T.O.F.M.Y.L.I.F.E.

Six things science has revealed about the female orgasm

The G spot is real

The G spot is a small region in the vagina that, if stimulated, can produce wildly intense orgasms – or so the popular claim goes. However, for decades, strong evidence for the region’s existence was harder to find than the spot itself.

However, in 2008, an Italian research team found anatomical differences between women who could have G-spot orgasms and women who couldn’t; apparently solving the mystery. The researchers have since begun teaching women with G spots how to put them to use.

The brain switches off

It’s folk wisdom that people can’t think straight when they have sex on their minds, but when women have an orgasm most of their brains switch off.

A brain scanning study showed that many areas of women’s brains were deactivated during orgasm, including those involved in emotion. The effect was less striking in men, but that may be because male orgasms are so short they are hard to detect in a brain scan.

Many women can’t have orgasms

According to a 1999 survey, around 43 per cent of women in the US have some sort of problem with their sex lives (Journal of the American Medical Association, vol 281, page 537).
Female sexual dysfunction (FSD) is so common that the very idea that it is a medical disorder has come under attack. If nearly half the female population has a problem, say critics, does that mean it is our society that is dysfunctional?
Even so, efforts to develop drugs to treat it are underway. The impotence drug Viagra has had mixed results in women, but there are many other avenues being explored.

Genes affect orgasm frequency

According to the first genetic study of the female orgasm, up to 45 per cent of the variation in women’s ability to have them could be down to genes.
Many women never have orgasms during intercourse, and some also cannot have them through masturbation. Some of this may be down to external factors like upbringing, but the study showed the genetic factor is significant.

Technology can help

Perhaps the most extreme solution is the so-called “orgasmatron”; an implant inserted into the spinal cord, which stimulates the user when switched on via a remote control.

Despite an initial struggle to find subjects for clinical testing, the device is now in development.

Some mystery remains

The female orgasm is a puzzle for evolutionary biologists. It is unclear why women should have orgasms at all, and it is particularly baffling that so many women should be unable to have orgasms during penetrative sex, but able to have them by masturbation.

According to researcher Elisabeth Lloyd, that implies that female orgasms are an evolutionary accident. Like male nipples, they persist simply because there is no good reason to get rid of them.

The Friend

 

I heard from a friend.
A Friend I haven’t actually caught up with in three years. It’s amazing how people come from the woodworks at a time where you most want to reconnect with people.
She is going through similar shit to me. But hers if far more worse. Well kind of. Different in way. She broke up with her ex 5 weeks ago. He left her. She is stunning. He met someone else. She went nuts.

I asked how she coped with it (having only just gone past the two week post myself).
She said Great. Then Bad, Then Great.
I asked her if I could write on here about what she did. She said yes. No one I know knows her. She is safe. So she spoke and I scribed.

In the five weeks she has been “single”, she has slept with six men. To regain her confidence she said. It didn’t feel so great the next morning but at least she was “wanted”.

Did she know these men? Yes and no. One was a workmate, One was her ex’s close mate, One was a Maori she met in a bar, One was her ex, One was an old flame and one was a traveller. She was only sober with her ex. She was on pills with the old flame and the Maori, Stoned with the workmate and can’t remember actually doing it with the close mate or the traveller. (Yes I had to handwrite and brainstorm this to understand. I’m surprised she remembers)

With all these men is was unprotected. I interrupted with the lecture of safe-sex I am known for giving. She didn’t care. She was too hurt and raw to care what the consequences where. And so far, there have been none. (However I am going to take her to the doc’s quick smart)

Would she ever considering doing again with them? No, they were quickies. One night stands not to be repeated. Some of them have wanted her; some have not bothered contacting her again. She likes it that way.

She laughs as she boasts that 3 of them were on the same weekend. She has not had sex for a week now though. She is over it. She thinks if she should have sex again, it would be to get paid for it.

 

So, that’s an interesting take on relationship break-up survival. Not necessarily one I would follow but some interesting points. If I were to have slept with everyone I could have, well I would probably have the same evil view on the world and men as she does. She is intense with hate. I don’t want to become that person. (Plus I would need to find six men to sleep with! God the effort that would involve!!)

I hope I look back in post in 5 weeks with a complete different frame of mind as her. I hope I am happy and full of hope.

I asked if she was depressed, she said yes and no. But the drugs help a lot. But she could never go over the edge – that would be letting her ex win she said. And she wants to see him suffer. Whether that takes years she said, she wants to be able to watch karma eat him and vomit him out the other side.

Nice…

Day Ten

Today was good.
I got throug heaps of progress.

A bestie that I habn’t had a cry with yet decided it was time for some action.
I cried while I packed away all the photos and shared items we had. I was advised it was important to remove each photos from the frame. And to take down ur artworks to replace with my paintings. The last supper now overlooks the kitchen as it should be.

The second week of the breakup is when I need to remove everything I can see of you. So I did. tomorrow I have another few friends over to do what they call a ceremonial cleanse. I  burn everything of u. Even though most of those photos we took in broome and at the beginning, are only recorded on the single print i will burn. Gone forver. Not even scanned into computers.

I’ve packed away alot of ur things.and my friends don’t want me to see it. or have to see me do it. So a few are doing it while I’m at work. I am so grateful and lucky for my friends. I have never understood the true meaning of friendship until this happened. I am surrounded with so much love and support. I am so happy with the people I know. My friends should be the most important things in my life alonfg with family and now they will be.

We are boxing up everything of urs. moving into the spare room till u decide to pick it all up. I’m getting a student to move it. The locks are being changed next week. PS: I know where u are staying. I thought i would b disappointed and hurt. But i’m not supprised and not hurt anymore. I just feel sorrow and pity for u. I hope u can find happines. u need to travel. Alone. Like i did and will continue to do.

Good bye and Goodluck,

love my friends so much!! They know who they are..