I feel the same and I wanna meet her..

Yes it has been long since I have posted. In truth my life has become uneventful and boring somewhat, albeit still busy and full of dates..
Just more toned down. Relaxed. I even spent 2 hrs today cleaning my house. I got a beautiful incense, Sea Breeze, and as the wind blows freely from window to open door, I taste the essence of sand and freedom upon my mouth.

My mouth, my mouth has been the centre of all things sweet, Creme Brule, soft kisses of lovers once loved, kisses hundreds of feet in the air glazing down to the city below, kisses of morning wakeups and the voices of intelligence. I am 100% at peace with myself, no longer do I crave the attention, I avoid it. It still follows me, but I am happy to ignore. The more I retract, the more they are enticed. I’m growing elegant, Stylish and mindful of how I look to others. Never once did I think I would be the kind of girl to touch up her lipstick or blush in the toilet stalls of the many places I inhabit. But I read somewhere, that when  you are single and free, to present ones self well, brings self-confidence, and happiness.. Never mind I am not trying to impress anyone, but merely when I happen to glance in the rear view mirror and am taken back by a female who takes the time now, to perhaps wash and straighten her hair, and wear lip gloss… I feel like staring in a country song, tom boy goes wild, moves to high heals, mildly more fashionable clothes and an awareness of calm, serenity and self-love that leaves trails where she walks. That’s me. I’m so very happy.

I’ve started cooking.. Much to the delight of my Gal… It must mean I’m happy, I love to cook, and I took a break from it so many moons ago..

Oh Happy Days..

An Afternoon on the River

 

I feel energised, replenished and content. After a month off work, I feel ecstatic to be back. I wake up no more with a feeling of dread, but instead an excitement ball in my stomach at the prospect of shaping my day to enjoy it. I have found my love of the job back, I’ve even volunteered to take calls from another team for which I used to get paid extra for. I just want to learn again, be back in the game. Understand the new software, systems, devices, patches and Timezone CDO’s.  I’m loving talking to my team mates, throwing peanuts at them, taking the piss out of them, tapping them on the opposite shoulder then scaring them. And My customers!! Oh how I missed them, I really do have an awesome job. My voice now filled with patience and empathy, a long break was what I needed. We are going for a team lunch tomorrow at Sizzlers, followed by Gold Class to see 2012, and then TimeZone.. One Saturday we are all hanging out again.. I feel so happy!!

 

The Bonfire at my house last Saturday night..

As for Boys, I really am not interested in searching for anyone, I love being on my own, focusing on my life. Should something come my way, yeh I’ll investigate it, as for now, no more internet and cyber talking, need to change my number again. Married Men seem to be attracted to me, despite my futile attempts to rid myself of them. The resolution? Delete all my online profiles. I really don’t need the problems of men in my life. I love my life as it is, filled with friends. It really pisses me off when people write on their Facebook, ‘Where is my prince charming?’ or ‘I’m so sick of being single’. Learn to love yourself first!! It will find you! Grrr..

 

Dancer Boi cooked me this amazing meal two nights ago.. To Celebrate his new Chef position and our friendship reaching its 5 month milestone..

Anyway, decided to eat something childish last night. They are long, Red, and when they get hot enough the skin foils back like an uncircumcised penis…. FRANKFURTS!! I bought 3kg of them Frozen last week.. Prob not the healthiest, but I felt like I was 6 again.. So.Much.Fun.

They look like penises I think

I’ve taken the dog to the river every day this week. I lay on the grass reading until she retrieves a massive stick I’ve thrown in the depths, then she insists on climbing all over me and wetting everything in site. Begging me to throw it again. And again. And again. And again..  It’s funny, if we lose a stick, we both search for another together, she understands every word I say. If I talk to he silly, she be’s silly, If I ask her a serious question thats on my mind, she stares at me and turns her head to the side with curiosity. I was a bit worried yesterday, we spent almost two hours together down then, and most of the time she just gave me this intense gaze. Like I was glowing with some kind of light. Hopefully its just because we are both going through pms at the same time. I hope :S.

My Amazing Dog Swimming

Boys Boys Boys

I love the way life works. I decided to listen to my earlier lesson, and not bother contacting anyone. I only need me and time for myself. I went to sleep. At 3.30 in the spring afternoon, and snuggled into my body pillow, wrapping it around me and hugging me warm. I had many calls/texts/notifications. And this is why I love the way life works, I did not hear nor stir for any of these noises. Except for two. One at 5pm, from D. He had gotten credit just to call me. We laughed and joked, made plans for tomorrow and shared mutual affection of our love of music and ambitions to go to Big Day Out. He invited me to go with him. Awww.

The Second was from.. umm.. what can I call him*, I know He’s been mentioned prior. A dear lad I have had a crush on for, gosh, a while actually. But never ever and still haven’t acted on it. We are friends through friends, have known eachother about two years, and after I developed little bits of excitement when around said lad, I discover he has also now become one of Evils* close friends. Well he had, until he started coming to visit me every week or so for beers and a catchup. He came around tonight, he bought a friend thank god, tension would have been intense. I couldn’t let him stay longer than 20 minutes as My Gal had already cracked the shits upon coming home tonight to guests.

My phone gets disconnected tomorrow. I have a new number. So many ppl aren’t getting it. Then hopefully I get a job overseas, and most will never hear from me again. This thought alone feels me with rush and release. I’m not running away. I’m growing up. Cutting the threads of habit that tie me to the souls that drag me down. I will be fine. I will return in 5 years for a visit. To see my siblings who some would be adults by then. To see my Family who some would be dead by then. I shall return sophisticated but still Daggy me,  Grown up whilst still mischevious, Well presented but still unfashionly . With a few houses under my belt, A rewarding and executive career and a charming Husband. The first of Two anyway. I can’t change that way about me Hopefully he will be what I’ve wanted since I was 5 and fascinated with the combination of dialects in languages. A French Canadian. Not rude unlike the French, but a Canadian who can ravish me in the cool of the night with words of Latin like,  poetry.

So tomorrow night, a date over Pints with D, Thursday night Fisherman is taking me out for dinner. God Bless 6am starts and 8am flights. Not. I am not tired despite having to arise in 5 hours. perhaps I should not have slept, oh wait, there’s a yawn. I love my life. I love medication for making me love life. If I forget to take it, I am pounded by headaches, aches, sadness, anger, tears, fears and a complete fucked up way of thinking. Back to my known reality I suppose. And when I take it again, I vomit for hours, am dizzy and cloudy, until the next day, when everyday just gets better and better, so good, i get so happy i forget to take it and the cycle starts all over. I must refill my script before I fly out. And perhaps get the pill if I plan on having sex again.

UPDATE: Just as I pressed Publish on this post, Fisherman text to say he just got credit to talk to me.  I’m glad I’m helping Telstra make lots of money out of recharge cards for me.

I’ve slept with how many people?

According to a new website created by a pharmacy to increase the awareness of STD’s, I have been a bad girl.

 

You have had 11,669,517indirect and direct sexual partners.

I’m quite impressed with that figure. Anyway, its time for another list. Things I love about Life:

• The quantity of hot, illegable pieces of ass more than willing to allow me to tap.
• The Quality  of hot, illegable pieces of ass more than willing to allow me to tap.
• The heat of Spring trying to burst its way through the ever present winter atmosphere.
• Having dreams I wish were real.
• Having Dreams I can make a reality.
• The truth that time does heal all wounds.
• Burrito’s – easiest yummiest meal in the world.
• God invented weed. Thats uber cool.
• My Blackberry Storm.
• 1L Double Shot Masters Ice Coffee
• Tiramisu Cadbury Chocolate.
• Orgasms – self inflicted or not, god wanted us to enjoy them.

Slacker Catchup

Perhaps I should re-cap my weekend.. I stopped mid sentence as he answered. I held my breath. Not sure what to expect. It was better than I expected. I felt nothing. Little bit of sympathy perhaps. I finally don’t hurt for him anymore. It feels so wonderful! It was 4am when I typed that/called him. I learnt a mutual friend is pestering him. Pestering him for more than what he wants. Oh well, not my problem anymore!!

Got home at 4pm Saturday afternoon. Showered dressed ready for another big night. 5 hours later, laying in a bed beside my Blondie Girl, whom was covered in her own vomit at the time. Make sure she stayed in the recovery position. Made it home 9.30 am on Sunday and I proceeded to drink 2x bottles of Champaign, some leftover goon, 5 Toohey’s Ciders and some left over Vodka. It was great to relax on a Sunday feeling refreshed for work on Monday. Gym Monday = Steam room and Spa/pool.

My Breakfast on Sunday Morning..

I like to imagine how stoned I would be if the steam in the room pouring out of the machine was actually a Dutch up session. Of the joy of it.

I feel a new sense of energy over me. The Chef is capturing me. Despite me not having seen him for two weeks, I was able to talk to him via phone when he docked into a port far far away from here. We spent a total of over 10 hours on the phone to each other in two days. We share everything, talk about and through everything. None of this game playing bullshit, hiding what you really feel. We are 100% upfront with each other. He knows the deal with ‘Old Mate’ (That’s what he shall be named from now on.)

My Chef wants to wrap me in bubble wrap and protect me from the world.  That’s a very sweet thing for him to say considering he hates the thought of losing man points. As long as he’s sweet to me in private, he doesn’t need to do it in front of his mates. But he likes to hold me, engage me in the conversations and get me to know them each. Oh god, I didn’t want this at all. But I can’t help it. He makes me feel so good and wonderful.

Plus it’s been 15 weeks since our first date. Yes, it’s been like 21 weeks since Old Mate. My Dog has a stepdad. And his name is Aaron.

He encourages me to read, he cuddles me as I read, and he's interested in what I read about (Unless its girly or mushy stuff, then he blocks his ears. I feel so relaxed and comfortable in his arms.)

Peaceful

Nightmares = no more.
Crying = no more.
Tense and uptight = no more.

I am relaxed, peaceful, calm and full of serenity. No longer do I think of the evil snake, no longer do I even have his number. I spend quality time with family and friends on the weekend, rarely drink to get drunk anymore, and sleep alone and content during the week.

I still dream vividly. But my Chef is my sidekick. Whenever I feel overwhelmed in said dreams, unsure or vulnerable, I turn to my right and look back over my shoulder. He is standing there with a reassuring look, urging me to continue the discovery of my dream. He is my comfort, my guidance, my role model at this stage in my life. And I like it.

No more do I bothering to reply to men, Engage in conversations with new men, or allow myself to be hunted. Yes my Chef is not here physically most of the time, but I am content enough to be on my own. I enjoy it. And I look forward to waking up everyday knowing its closer to one of his hugs. A kiss on the forehead, a stroke of my cheek, a squeeze of my hand, and honest open chats about everything crossing our minds the second it does.

We are planning our first holiday together. I never want to travel with someone I feel for again, its good and bad. Easy and Hard. But this all fell into place. I’m going on my holiday to two major cities, he is going with the boys on a road trip around the country. We are meeting up after a few weeks and enjoy the last stretch of the leg with eachothers company. Driving across Australia. He wants to stay in Hotels along the way. I want to camp on the nullabor amongst the open plains, with the hope of being abducted by aliens. We had our first funny squabble over this. I wanted to rough it and get dirty in a swag, planning to purchase my own before we meet up. I thought he was being a pretty boy, wanting to waste money on hotels and miss out on nature around us. I managed to get his reasoning to escape from his smirking smile. He wants to sleep by myside. If we swag it, we will be in seperate swags, if we hotel it, we can wake up each day with our bodies intwined.  Awww.. He is but so sweet..

He bought out the shop of my favourite chocolates. He arrived on my doorstep last week, our first and last night together in a while. The chocolates were adourned in a beautiful hand picked presentation bag, with a note attached: “To the Princess with Everything, Love Chef”. Obviously he didn’t write Chef, that’s my persona for him on here. But it made me all mushy regardless. Selfless acts of kindness, directed towards me?? I am amazed such a man exists.

It shall be two weeks before I see him again, or even have contact with him. Alot could happen between now and then, as it normally does, but I actually really miss talking to him, his jokes, his quirks, his making me laugh and his hands as he washes my hair and gives me feet massages.. I must miss him, I dedicated an entire post to him. Its nice to meet someone like him. I have no hopes, expectations or visions of the future. All I know is he is hear now, part time in my life, and I like it. It feels good.

Fighting like the Siamese Do!

Life is what you make it. It’s pretty cool to learn new experiences and emotions and opportunities in every aspects of all individuals, make your own choices. I came across a beautiful statment today…

circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise.

I love it. I’m enjoying everything at the moment. See family finally after so long, enjoying and putting an effort in & falling in love again with my job. My Fish of over two years died last night. He was beautiful, but he lived a long life. He was big. RIP Davis.

Enjoy life everyone!!

My Crazy Weekend

It all started with my RDO last week. Being as stressed as I could be about my job, I awoke to a call from.. mmm.. What should I call him on here? What does he remind me of? Ahhh.. Darlene.. Because he pretends to be her and says ‘Shutup Becky!’ all the time. So anyway, he called in the morning, bought me McDonalds for Breakfast and got a bit baked whilst nestled in the lounge. Then we dropped my Gal off at the traino. Then we drove around everywhere!! All morning, getting money, meeting people, buying stuff, following dodgy cars down empty lanes, exchanging goods.After all he is an Ozzie post courier so perhaps my description is somewhat over exaggerated. All by 11am!! Then we rested.. as much as one can rest in that state of mind.

We watched porn, drank beer, debated over etiquette of tuning via text. We share a purely platonic friendship, to the point where we can share the same bed, feeling undeniably comfortable knowing the other one isn’t going to fuck up and ruin the friendship. So anyway, I tried explaining he is worth more than the 20yr old piece of trash with a baby he was trying to tune. Now I’m not being judgemental, but the little bitch told him, she was to find someone rich to support her and her baby, so unless he started earning lots of money, she wouldn’t go on a date with him. Poor dude. Stupid slut, her loss.

Needless to say, sleep was minimal that evening. By the time the evening came. Work flew by on Friday. Then it was get ready for a girls night for #2 Gals Birthday. There was about 7 of us.. Started at the Inglewood, already had a few wines, left my car at the local. Had some shots, three I think and sculled a pint. Caught a taxi with G to the queens, met everyone there, had 2 more shots, bourbon IN beer (Grosses thing in the world, feel sick thinking about it). *Some chick hit on me at the bar, we kissed briefly, I grabbed her ass, she asked for my number. Another guy came up and asked if he could join.

Caught another taxi with the gaggle of us spread out between 3 taxis. Now from this point forward I don’t remember much. So anything with an ‘*’ symbol means I have been told I did it, or it happened etc. you get the picture.

*There was a crime scene set up. Fresh with tape still unravelling, men in white cloud shoes, guns everywhere and blurry flashes from all the light. I needed to get through to the street on the other side. I begged the cop- ‘It’s not that far, please let me cross’. Then I attempted to cross it myself. Bad idea. I yelled out someone had died. Everyone stared at me. I shouted it’s true! Why else would there be a crime scene this big. Turns out someone got stabbed.. Nothing new really for Perth.

I remember dancing seductively at the shed. With a fence I think. Not to sure. It was just me and G. *Two guys came up to her. Annoyed her. I asked if she wanted me to get rid of them. She did. I told them we were married. They didn’t believe us. We made out. They still didn’t believe us. We made out some more then left to locate the rest of the party.

I started getting tetchy, as I can after a deathly amount to drink. I’m surprised my liver didn’t pack up and cark it hours before. Needless to say, I caught a taxi home with G. I threatened ‘DB’ and he promptly drove over at 2am. To listen to me babble (thanks red bull) till 6am about my philosophies on monogamy, life, death etc. None of which I remember. He thinks it’s funny every time we hang out, I don’t remember a thing. He’s only really ever seen me smashed the past month or so, after I became an alcoholic! Bahahahah..

I peeled back my eyelids at 4pm on Saturday. Surely the colour of the sky meant it was still early morning. Nope. I missed the entire day of sunshine. Sleeping in a bed surrounded my empty bottles, shot glasses, cigarettes – all the ingredients to ensure a restful sleep. DB was still there, we had organised to catch up Sat night anyway, about 4 weeks ago we planned it. It was going to be a LONG night.. He took me out for breakfast. Smoked salmon on poached eggs with Hollandaise sauce. And a Vodka/Orange Juice. Ordering breakfast at 5pm on a Saturday, and they say heaven doesn’t exist.

That night, some strange things happened to us. We clocked up about 200km on my car. Spent about $500 odd dollars. Sung songs very loud. And:

• 6 Hummer Limousines
• 3 Chrysler Limousines
• 1 Booze Bus
• 1 Attempt to be pulled over.
• Ran one red light.
• Prank called people while Driving
• Heard from the most random people I was stoked to hear from.

Then it was more Booze at home, catch-up with G again. Drunk till I passed out at 3am..  Woke up 2pm Sunday. Cooked a massive breakfast for the three of us. Dropped DB off. Then G and I started to get ready for the Sunday Sesh.. phew.. party party party. My Gal came home from her new mans to come out, and another young chickee babe came over to be our driver there. Four Girls, all dressed up, mostly still drunk, looking Fab Fab Fab. Oh the ex even came over to drop the dog off, and it was hard to see how impressed he was with my new look. We knew we looked hot.

It paid off, after drinking ‘Ray Charles’ – which are the death of all drinkers, I did get asked for my number twice, Got a massage, paid $15 for a burger, stumbled into a cab, passed out in the cab, and woke up in my driveway to the taxi man on my side of the car trying to wake me up. BUT!! I was in bed by 10.30. It was a work night, and 4 Solid Days of non stop partying does wear your body down.

2am. My Gal came running into my room, jumped on top of me. She had hooked up, went to the Casino, stashed $150 worth of chips in her handbag, bought the guy home, then G called, the girls were still partying, My Gal kicked the boy out, called a cab and let me get back to sleep.

5am. My Gal and G arrive home. With two boys in tow. And Noise. And laughter. I screamed till my voice hurt. Screamed to shut the fuck up. Screamed to piss off. An hour and a half later my alarm went off. I hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, I did the countdown trying to guess when the noise would break the silence through the air. Then I got the biggest pot I could find, a nice solid metal spoon, and proceeded to bang them together with such force, I still have a ringing in my ear. Paybacks a Bitch. Then I went to work. And Now I’m very broke.

People

Sometimes people come into your life and you know
right away that they were meant to be there, to serve
some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help
you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a
neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a
complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them,
you know at that very moment they will affect your
life in some profound way.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,
painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you
find that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength,
willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness,
and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of
your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they
may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight
flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and
comfortable, but
dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the
success and downfalls you experience, help to create
who you are and who you become. Even the bad
experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are
sometimes
the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in
whatever way you can, not only because they love you,
but because in a way, they are teaching you to love
and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your
heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn
about trust and the importance of being cautious to
whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and
take from those moments everything that you possibly
can for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before,
and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your
sights high. Hold your head up because you have every
right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual
and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in
yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in
you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create
your own life and then go out and live it with
absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, for you never know
what tomorrow may have in store.

Black Dressing Gown = Hugh Hefner

It’s Tuesday Morning. I should be hungover. But I’m not. I have the day off today, I am sober and awake before noon. What is going on? I am relaxed and content to the core of my soul. Calmness washes through me with every breath I take. Contemptment fills my being and slow motion distracts my vision.

I moved house. Five of my close friends built it from scratch for me. Caught me unaware, and spent two days on their hands and knee’s, labouring away to build a magnificient house for me to inhabit..

It is a mansion, There is not enough items to fill such space. No dust, dog hair, grease, messiness. None anywhere.I have a new bed. King Size. I have decorated my room with harmonious colours and things I like. I have a place for everything, and not enough clothes to fill the draws. I threw out 70% of my wardrobe. Clothes I have been carrying around, collecting since I first left home at 13.  There was so many, I am bound to see someone in my area wearing them after buying them for $1 from the thrift shops.

I have a housemate. It is awesome. The Chef bought us chinese for dinner last night and left shortly after. Not even a kiss required? He is sweet.

My Girl and I were snuggled in our pj’s, in front of the warmth, bellies full and giggling. Then we decided to go out. Showered, hair, clothes, multiple attempts at clothing arrangements. We hailed a cab and with the snap of a finger, we were gals on the way out.. Our taxi driver had us in stitches. His name was Chico, he went 80kms over speed bumps and gave us his card to be at our service next time we head out.

I’m even going to attempt to describe how much we drunk. In quick succession..  A boy found me. After 2 hrs I finally accepted his number. He danced in a way i haven’t seen since I was mesmorised on the GoldCoast by the touch of the Turkish. I think I fell in love with a dancer. But alas, as soon as his number was programmed into the personal extension of my body (aka Blackberry), I hailed a cab and left my Gal to boogie up the floor.

I was awoken to my girl jumping on my bed after the shock to find I was actually alone. (No, I did not take anyone home – I could see double) She found Richie Rich in hers. To me he looks like a sexy goddess surfer dude. But it is dark in there when I go in to talk to him. I blew a foghorn into the room before, to enhance the giggles of us Gals. We’re not sure when we’re going to kick him out. They haven’t even had sex! He is a backpacker and we feel sorry for him, so he can sleep in a proper bed for the day while the Gal and I think of horrible things to do to him. We were going to put sleeping pills in his water and then pose him positions and take photos.. But he thinks we are pure evil and refuses to drink anything from us anyway.

**Shower Break**

I actually just had a conversation with him. My God he is stunning!! He sounds exactly like my film director I met on Friday. (Whos number and email I lost that night)

My Tummy is in pain and I thinks cuz its been so long since I’ve had sex. well u know, not that long, but long for a some people.

Just spoke to my Gals Rich backpaker again. He suggested an Orgy. I’m not talking to him anymore. My gal just ordered him to get up and cook us breakfast. and be quick. We have things to do.