The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

I’m happy.  I’m relaxed. My mind is at ease. The blockage of thoughts is finally filtered

Rent Inspections – The point? I’m not sure, I’ve only had one since I’ve been in my house for the better part of two years.  I was meant to have one last week. My gal and I had the day off, Swallowed some No-Doze, Chased it with Red-bull and proceeded on the dust, cobwebs, linen, rubbish, toilet rolls and food remnants around the house. Pasta thrown on the wall for checking time.  If it sticks, its ready. Also some on the roof.  Sticky blue streamers aligning the walls from many a party ago. Glass throughout the house swept into piles, then the vacuum broke. Doh.

I hope when they inspect today (after missing the one last week) They realised how hot the god damn place is in summer. Perhaps I should have waited till today to Alfoil my windows. I slept in utter darkness, not awoken by the rays of light bouncing off the colourbond fence 1 metre away from my head. I woke up to a dark cool room. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I’m eagerly ecstatic to sleep in tomorrow!! yay!! Actually, I have my work Christmas party tonight at a nightclub, and I’ve given up my spot in the shared hotel room with my mates, to help a girlfriend out so she can stay with her man, and so I can sleep in, not only a dark room, oh no. But a CLEAN room (Domestos even used – Although it did stain some things) with CLEAN sheets and it just feels so damn CLEAN!

The guests tomorrow night who somehow end up in my room (as we always do) are going to be gobsmacked with the space of it. and the fact its CLEAN!

I’m quite anxious over who may be present tomorrow night. I mean last time I was so incoherently wasted prior to anyone arriving that I still don’t recall who was actually there. therefore, it doesn’t matter. However I plan to be soberly straight for the entire event of tomorrow, thus my conflicting anxiety kicks in. Perhaps I will just share a few joints and let the good times roll. The music was over powered last time and fights broke out over it. This time, people have requested they bring their own music onto made up cds and iPods etc. The night IS about MY Gal and I so therefore, we will change the music as we see fit..

It has also come to my attention that my light brown fluffy hair above my lip, has this year become more prominent. I said I never would but the time has come to swallow my words. I’m waxing my upper lip. God have mercy. I’m allergic to some waxes, the last thing I want is to look like a swollen buffoon at my work do tonight, and my event tomorrow!!

On the upnote, Meeting a guy tonight that I’ve been smsing and talking to on the neat and phone for almost six weeks now..  First one to be vulgar, or dirty etc. I’m liking it, ready to meet him.

PS: I’ve been maintaining abstinence.
PPS: It’s make me horny as hell *TMI
PPSS: My Gal and I have been best friends for 8 years and one day!!

Tis the Season to be Jolly

The only time you will see me with some kind of Celebration for Christmas emblazed..

I haven’t really noticed Christmas is approaching. I plan to do nothing, Celebrate nothing and be with no one. After all, its my first single xmas, meaning I don’t have to spend it with someone elses family as I do every year, feeling like an outsider or getting unwanted sympathy from not having my own family to spend it with. The only present I’ve purchased so far was a plant for secret santas at work. I killed his two plants who let me look after one holiday, and I also killed my cactus. Didn’t think it was possible. That’s how pink my thumb is No green about it what so ever. So I figured a plant would suffice as a replacement for two.

Last years I spent $3k + on present, gifts including hand made creations, all for my friends, family, even aquaintences. This year I’m too broke and really can’t be fucked. I wanted to escape to Bali, or stay in a hotel But now I’m thinking I cruise up the coast in my car, pick a spot along a beach, have a few rods +bait and a few tins of food and enjoy the serenity of being on my own. Yes That’s what I want for Christmas.  Relaxation. At its best.

I really want to start doing Colour Splash Photography..

Oh Happy Days..

An Afternoon on the River

 

I feel energised, replenished and content. After a month off work, I feel ecstatic to be back. I wake up no more with a feeling of dread, but instead an excitement ball in my stomach at the prospect of shaping my day to enjoy it. I have found my love of the job back, I’ve even volunteered to take calls from another team for which I used to get paid extra for. I just want to learn again, be back in the game. Understand the new software, systems, devices, patches and Timezone CDO’s.  I’m loving talking to my team mates, throwing peanuts at them, taking the piss out of them, tapping them on the opposite shoulder then scaring them. And My customers!! Oh how I missed them, I really do have an awesome job. My voice now filled with patience and empathy, a long break was what I needed. We are going for a team lunch tomorrow at Sizzlers, followed by Gold Class to see 2012, and then TimeZone.. One Saturday we are all hanging out again.. I feel so happy!!

 

The Bonfire at my house last Saturday night..

As for Boys, I really am not interested in searching for anyone, I love being on my own, focusing on my life. Should something come my way, yeh I’ll investigate it, as for now, no more internet and cyber talking, need to change my number again. Married Men seem to be attracted to me, despite my futile attempts to rid myself of them. The resolution? Delete all my online profiles. I really don’t need the problems of men in my life. I love my life as it is, filled with friends. It really pisses me off when people write on their Facebook, ‘Where is my prince charming?’ or ‘I’m so sick of being single’. Learn to love yourself first!! It will find you! Grrr..

 

Dancer Boi cooked me this amazing meal two nights ago.. To Celebrate his new Chef position and our friendship reaching its 5 month milestone..

Anyway, decided to eat something childish last night. They are long, Red, and when they get hot enough the skin foils back like an uncircumcised penis…. FRANKFURTS!! I bought 3kg of them Frozen last week.. Prob not the healthiest, but I felt like I was 6 again.. So.Much.Fun.

They look like penises I think

I’ve taken the dog to the river every day this week. I lay on the grass reading until she retrieves a massive stick I’ve thrown in the depths, then she insists on climbing all over me and wetting everything in site. Begging me to throw it again. And again. And again. And again..  It’s funny, if we lose a stick, we both search for another together, she understands every word I say. If I talk to he silly, she be’s silly, If I ask her a serious question thats on my mind, she stares at me and turns her head to the side with curiosity. I was a bit worried yesterday, we spent almost two hours together down then, and most of the time she just gave me this intense gaze. Like I was glowing with some kind of light. Hopefully its just because we are both going through pms at the same time. I hope :S.

My Amazing Dog Swimming

Holidays

I’ve started taking my meds again, seems I forget to on the weekends sometimes. I feel so much better now! The tears, anger, pain and rash decisions have stopped. I bailed on last night’s lesson, the temptation  would have been too hard to refuse… I want to take a vow of celibacy. Which will be hard considering how much I enjoy passion, But perhaps I will wait till I find someone worth it, decent, and special.

I submitted 21 applications over the night, for positions around the world. For one company, doing what I love. The next week will be held in anticipation. Of course I will remain distracted upon my arrival in Sydney this coming Friday. The drinks are waiting, the men are waiting, the clubs are waiting,  My family is waiting, to partying, catch up, fall in love with Sydney, to tempt me to move there. My cousin is 19yrs old. Party girls run in the family. She is organising my entire trip. Including picking me up from the airport on Friday. I’m not sure how long I will be there actually. I need to make it up to the Gold Coast by the end of the month, I’m hitchhiking up the coast, I want to spend a night in Newscastle, because I can.

In QLD, apart from the family, I am watching the Indi Races from a high rise apartment with a girlfriend who lives with a rotating average of 5 hot guys. She has booked me a bed, although it will most likely be shared

Drink. Drank.Drunk. Clubbing. For the first time in my life, I can go on holidays not only alone, but without the hassle of having to check back in with anyone, feel guilt and shy away from the world. Welcome back Life, I’ve been waiting for you. Do me good and fun, and I will appreciate you even more.

PS:  I would like to see D today. But I need to catchup on sleep. Perhaps a phone call will suffice.

I’ve slept with how many people?

According to a new website created by a pharmacy to increase the awareness of STD’s, I have been a bad girl.

 

You have had 11,669,517indirect and direct sexual partners.

I’m quite impressed with that figure. Anyway, its time for another list. Things I love about Life:

• The quantity of hot, illegable pieces of ass more than willing to allow me to tap.
• The Quality  of hot, illegable pieces of ass more than willing to allow me to tap.
• The heat of Spring trying to burst its way through the ever present winter atmosphere.
• Having dreams I wish were real.
• Having Dreams I can make a reality.
• The truth that time does heal all wounds.
• Burrito’s – easiest yummiest meal in the world.
• God invented weed. Thats uber cool.
• My Blackberry Storm.
• 1L Double Shot Masters Ice Coffee
• Tiramisu Cadbury Chocolate.
• Orgasms – self inflicted or not, god wanted us to enjoy them.

Slacker Catchup

Perhaps I should re-cap my weekend.. I stopped mid sentence as he answered. I held my breath. Not sure what to expect. It was better than I expected. I felt nothing. Little bit of sympathy perhaps. I finally don’t hurt for him anymore. It feels so wonderful! It was 4am when I typed that/called him. I learnt a mutual friend is pestering him. Pestering him for more than what he wants. Oh well, not my problem anymore!!

Got home at 4pm Saturday afternoon. Showered dressed ready for another big night. 5 hours later, laying in a bed beside my Blondie Girl, whom was covered in her own vomit at the time. Make sure she stayed in the recovery position. Made it home 9.30 am on Sunday and I proceeded to drink 2x bottles of Champaign, some leftover goon, 5 Toohey’s Ciders and some left over Vodka. It was great to relax on a Sunday feeling refreshed for work on Monday. Gym Monday = Steam room and Spa/pool.

My Breakfast on Sunday Morning..

I like to imagine how stoned I would be if the steam in the room pouring out of the machine was actually a Dutch up session. Of the joy of it.

I feel a new sense of energy over me. The Chef is capturing me. Despite me not having seen him for two weeks, I was able to talk to him via phone when he docked into a port far far away from here. We spent a total of over 10 hours on the phone to each other in two days. We share everything, talk about and through everything. None of this game playing bullshit, hiding what you really feel. We are 100% upfront with each other. He knows the deal with ‘Old Mate’ (That’s what he shall be named from now on.)

My Chef wants to wrap me in bubble wrap and protect me from the world.  That’s a very sweet thing for him to say considering he hates the thought of losing man points. As long as he’s sweet to me in private, he doesn’t need to do it in front of his mates. But he likes to hold me, engage me in the conversations and get me to know them each. Oh god, I didn’t want this at all. But I can’t help it. He makes me feel so good and wonderful.

Plus it’s been 15 weeks since our first date. Yes, it’s been like 21 weeks since Old Mate. My Dog has a stepdad. And his name is Aaron.

He encourages me to read, he cuddles me as I read, and he's interested in what I read about (Unless its girly or mushy stuff, then he blocks his ears. I feel so relaxed and comfortable in his arms.)

Fighting like the Siamese Do!

Life is what you make it. It’s pretty cool to learn new experiences and emotions and opportunities in every aspects of all individuals, make your own choices. I came across a beautiful statment today…

circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise.

I love it. I’m enjoying everything at the moment. See family finally after so long, enjoying and putting an effort in & falling in love again with my job. My Fish of over two years died last night. He was beautiful, but he lived a long life. He was big. RIP Davis.

Enjoy life everyone!!

My Crazy Weekend

It all started with my RDO last week. Being as stressed as I could be about my job, I awoke to a call from.. mmm.. What should I call him on here? What does he remind me of? Ahhh.. Darlene.. Because he pretends to be her and says ‘Shutup Becky!’ all the time. So anyway, he called in the morning, bought me McDonalds for Breakfast and got a bit baked whilst nestled in the lounge. Then we dropped my Gal off at the traino. Then we drove around everywhere!! All morning, getting money, meeting people, buying stuff, following dodgy cars down empty lanes, exchanging goods.After all he is an Ozzie post courier so perhaps my description is somewhat over exaggerated. All by 11am!! Then we rested.. as much as one can rest in that state of mind.

We watched porn, drank beer, debated over etiquette of tuning via text. We share a purely platonic friendship, to the point where we can share the same bed, feeling undeniably comfortable knowing the other one isn’t going to fuck up and ruin the friendship. So anyway, I tried explaining he is worth more than the 20yr old piece of trash with a baby he was trying to tune. Now I’m not being judgemental, but the little bitch told him, she was to find someone rich to support her and her baby, so unless he started earning lots of money, she wouldn’t go on a date with him. Poor dude. Stupid slut, her loss.

Needless to say, sleep was minimal that evening. By the time the evening came. Work flew by on Friday. Then it was get ready for a girls night for #2 Gals Birthday. There was about 7 of us.. Started at the Inglewood, already had a few wines, left my car at the local. Had some shots, three I think and sculled a pint. Caught a taxi with G to the queens, met everyone there, had 2 more shots, bourbon IN beer (Grosses thing in the world, feel sick thinking about it). *Some chick hit on me at the bar, we kissed briefly, I grabbed her ass, she asked for my number. Another guy came up and asked if he could join.

Caught another taxi with the gaggle of us spread out between 3 taxis. Now from this point forward I don’t remember much. So anything with an ‘*’ symbol means I have been told I did it, or it happened etc. you get the picture.

*There was a crime scene set up. Fresh with tape still unravelling, men in white cloud shoes, guns everywhere and blurry flashes from all the light. I needed to get through to the street on the other side. I begged the cop- ‘It’s not that far, please let me cross’. Then I attempted to cross it myself. Bad idea. I yelled out someone had died. Everyone stared at me. I shouted it’s true! Why else would there be a crime scene this big. Turns out someone got stabbed.. Nothing new really for Perth.

I remember dancing seductively at the shed. With a fence I think. Not to sure. It was just me and G. *Two guys came up to her. Annoyed her. I asked if she wanted me to get rid of them. She did. I told them we were married. They didn’t believe us. We made out. They still didn’t believe us. We made out some more then left to locate the rest of the party.

I started getting tetchy, as I can after a deathly amount to drink. I’m surprised my liver didn’t pack up and cark it hours before. Needless to say, I caught a taxi home with G. I threatened ‘DB’ and he promptly drove over at 2am. To listen to me babble (thanks red bull) till 6am about my philosophies on monogamy, life, death etc. None of which I remember. He thinks it’s funny every time we hang out, I don’t remember a thing. He’s only really ever seen me smashed the past month or so, after I became an alcoholic! Bahahahah..

I peeled back my eyelids at 4pm on Saturday. Surely the colour of the sky meant it was still early morning. Nope. I missed the entire day of sunshine. Sleeping in a bed surrounded my empty bottles, shot glasses, cigarettes – all the ingredients to ensure a restful sleep. DB was still there, we had organised to catch up Sat night anyway, about 4 weeks ago we planned it. It was going to be a LONG night.. He took me out for breakfast. Smoked salmon on poached eggs with Hollandaise sauce. And a Vodka/Orange Juice. Ordering breakfast at 5pm on a Saturday, and they say heaven doesn’t exist.

That night, some strange things happened to us. We clocked up about 200km on my car. Spent about $500 odd dollars. Sung songs very loud. And:

• 6 Hummer Limousines
• 3 Chrysler Limousines
• 1 Booze Bus
• 1 Attempt to be pulled over.
• Ran one red light.
• Prank called people while Driving
• Heard from the most random people I was stoked to hear from.

Then it was more Booze at home, catch-up with G again. Drunk till I passed out at 3am..  Woke up 2pm Sunday. Cooked a massive breakfast for the three of us. Dropped DB off. Then G and I started to get ready for the Sunday Sesh.. phew.. party party party. My Gal came home from her new mans to come out, and another young chickee babe came over to be our driver there. Four Girls, all dressed up, mostly still drunk, looking Fab Fab Fab. Oh the ex even came over to drop the dog off, and it was hard to see how impressed he was with my new look. We knew we looked hot.

It paid off, after drinking ‘Ray Charles’ – which are the death of all drinkers, I did get asked for my number twice, Got a massage, paid $15 for a burger, stumbled into a cab, passed out in the cab, and woke up in my driveway to the taxi man on my side of the car trying to wake me up. BUT!! I was in bed by 10.30. It was a work night, and 4 Solid Days of non stop partying does wear your body down.

2am. My Gal came running into my room, jumped on top of me. She had hooked up, went to the Casino, stashed $150 worth of chips in her handbag, bought the guy home, then G called, the girls were still partying, My Gal kicked the boy out, called a cab and let me get back to sleep.

5am. My Gal and G arrive home. With two boys in tow. And Noise. And laughter. I screamed till my voice hurt. Screamed to shut the fuck up. Screamed to piss off. An hour and a half later my alarm went off. I hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, I did the countdown trying to guess when the noise would break the silence through the air. Then I got the biggest pot I could find, a nice solid metal spoon, and proceeded to bang them together with such force, I still have a ringing in my ear. Paybacks a Bitch. Then I went to work. And Now I’m very broke.

Puzzles

I want to play a game, a puzzle, make this more personal. How about some photos? I love taking photos on my new phone, It takes 5 seconds for the camera to shutter so its like slow shutter speed all the time. Its captures usually the vision I have when I see it. Subtle messages to remind me of my thoughts at the time, the convinient truth for a change. I finally went through my phone pictures. Highly in need of a mass delete indeed. It shocked my own eyes to see some of those visions of memory which I dont posess as my own. Here I go…..

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  ~Ernest Hemingway

Those really cool doctors that work from their house

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system.

Sick

I have accomplished so much the past two days. Normally when I am sick from work, I am unable to complete anything else. Except this time it is my wisdom teeth, which has passed on an infection to my body. therefore I cannot talk, and talking is what I do at work. But I can still drive around albeit a little drowsy.

Things I have done in the past two days:

• Booked an appointment with my AWESOME $$ swindling accoutant. Everyone should go see him.
• Had an Xray on my teeth.
• Had an infection on my teeth cleared out.
• Realised I need to save $2k for my teeth to come out.
• Got cash from handing in my medicare slips.
• Handed in my pee for the STD check which I will blame totally on the faggot maggot brain of ex should it come up with anything un-normal. (I highly doubt it, but the said fucker was cheating on me, so who knows where the German whoring-toe-rags he slept with have been.)
• Got up to the smiling chapter of my body language book.
• Did the dishes.
• Ate dinner cooked by my Gal.
• Got into organising a spit lamb roast, 40 gallon drums and all else required for my 21st BBQ/Bonfire.
• Drove to Rockingham as a suprise to see off my Sailor as he went to sea, and to lie in his arms one more time.
• Decided against giving up my Dancer Boi.. (We can be friends right? Just no more poetry off a whim at 1am describing different ‘Chakra’s’ of my body, smoking in bed watching it be sucked out the window, basking in the glow and thinking of proverbs to describe the moment, causing chaos in public by trying to make everyone smile and guess the hidden lives of each person we watch.. ahhh yes, we can still be friends. I would miss him so)
• Learnt vocally what a ‘Barracuda’ is.. Don’t ask..
• Spent $250 on groceries to last a while.
• Convinced Telstra not to disconnect me.
• Had crazy dreams.
• Did my Sailors washing and dishes and thus stole a bottle of Rum as payment.
• Wore the same undies twice in a row. (I forgot to pack an extra pair)
• Visited and had lunch with a very special close friend.
• Got given two new Pendulum CD’s I didn’t have yet by said friend. *Thankyou – MWA*
• Just told a door2door Optus Salesman as I was writing this that I worked for a competitor company.
• Told Above salesman to get fucked before I get my pitbull on him when he continued to talk about changing my phone.
• Laughing at the indian prick as he powerwalked down the street.
• Thinking my house might now get bombed and to increase my contents insurance.

PS: I saw my Sailor in his uniform this morning..
I think I’ve been orgasming every time I think about it since.